I want to share out of my journal my story from the beginning of how God started to draw me to Him, then prepare me for a time such as this. Our Beloved is as close as our breath. The Spirit of the Living God lives inside every true, blood-bought believer and is involved in the smallest detail of our lives.
God
is El Roi, the God who sees. God
communicates with us in different ways. I want to share with you such different
ways I have experienced. God works in strange ways. We cannot try to reason God
out with our little brains. When God gives you a dream or a vision, I believe
it will happen and I am going to show you why I can make such a statement.
A LETTER TO MY MOTHER
Dear Mother, Tokkie, I long for you. After you passed away, Mom, it was like I went looking for you everywhere. When I could not find you, I decided to forget about you. I thought Rosie will help me. My longing for you was too much. I wanted to forget just for a moment and wanted to stop the longing. Rosie and I spend a lot of time together.
How many times have we laughed together and enjoyed a bottle of “Rosie”? Do you remember all our laughs, silly jokes, and pranks? I still remember your words, "Are we going to take Rosie with us today?" Then I say, "It is her last chance today. She better behave." Rosie made us dance. We danced like in the sixties. You taught me long arm dance. When we danced and I looked into your eyes, I could never have imagined that a day would come when I would no longer smell you; your musk oil. I would no longer be able to feel your body against my body. No more would I see your smile.
You loved David so much and always took his side when I complained. When he danced with you, you rested your head against his chest.
After you passed away, Mom, I find myself looking for you everywhere, even between the shelves in the Pick & Pay. I was so hoping I would run into you; I have missed you so much. Everything was falling apart, and I need a mother. I went looking for a mother at the Old Age Home.
There at the Old Age Home, I laughed and cried with other children’s mothers; they cried for a lost child, and I cried for a lost mom. I pressed their bodies to my chest, hoping to smell the musk oil. Mom, their bodies smelled like powder. Aunt Dina recited and sang to me. That was the closest I got to you. No one danced with me.
Mom, I am sorry I had burned all of your expensive church books. I made the decision when I read your letter. In the letter, you wrote about your dream. You had a dream of God saying that you should stop putting a jacket on the lie. I knew when I read it that you knew that God does not distinguish between races and that, let's call it "Dream for separation of nations" turned into a nightmare. It’s all lies, mom. The day the Lord sent me to the "Rock of Hope" He told me that He was going to teach me something when I looked into the eyes of a baby of another race for the first time, that day the lie was broken and I knew that God is not unjust God loves all people, mom!
Now 16 years later. Rosie is no longer part of our lives. She could not stop the longing; she could not stop the pain.
I am drinking from the True Vine now. It is new wine, dear Mom. This wine comes with bread. I smell Jesus and I dance on Abba's feet. I am drunk with LOVE.
The
Lord sent us to the
How
wonderful the Lord is. We were both in
Mother, our feet are hanging in the air and we are waiting for the Lord to establish us. We are up and down the coast and now we are a bit tired from all the traveling. Sometimes I wish I can call you mom. I have so many things to tell, to ask for your advice.
Thank you for all the Scriptures that you have marked in the Bible. I saw that you marked the day; I fear. I must trust in the Lord. I trust the Lord, mom I will not fear.
It
is just a temporary goodbye until we meet again…
Your daughter Ellie
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