Dream until God gives you the assurance.

A revived post from 2020. 

I am not a person who always says what's on my mind and seldom what's on my heart, but I am prompted to do so today. A revelation that lifted my spirit.

Maybe someone needs to hear it as well.

I start to write in 2010.

I wrote to block out my reality.

I wrote to block out the empty cupboards, the demanding phone calls of creditors. Writing kept me from looking out the window to see the tall grass that could not be cut. My eyes swimming in tears as my children left their safe place because we could not provide in their needs anymore. I felt like a failure, worthless and purposeless.

I wrote to block out all the anger and pain, the rejection we have experienced from church, the lack of support from anyone we thought were our friends at that time. Standing alone in a very harsh world, without support, it is a harsh place to be.

I wrote of lost dreams and empty promises all in fiction form. Because in fiction I can write a happy ending. Though my world had nothing to offer me.

I wrote 22 books during that time. Only five books were published so far. Many of my books started off differently from its conception. But as I grew, the stories grew, changed, and developed where they are now: published and read.

At that stage, there was still a ‘we’ in the equation. After 2014, ‘we’ became I...one. though I took the step to walk away, I was off balance with no understanding or idea of how to move forward. I had no form of financial support, had no income and no earthly possessions.

Then I began to dream. It was a slow process of trusting myself first, then others.

(This was a long process and one I will not talk about now. I want to get to the revelation part.)

At the end of 2019, I was invited to attend an Eksderde camp where Marié Bosman (van den Berg) spoke directly into my life. Infused by God's knowledge, she said, "God has given you a blank page."

At the time, it elevated me, but I didn't understand. I ran with it like a thirsty beggar but still felt unworthy, not sure where I fit in. I was still off-balance, unsure and desperate. And very much in lack.

Was God's promises of yesteryear still effective? Did my current dreams coincide with God's plan for me? How did it all fit? Were some questions I faced.

Then I met Joe van den Berg, and he said, "Your past is the past, you have a new slate. The words you received, the promises you received, they are over. It is time for new ones."

It was like a click within.

It is a clean slate. From this moment forward, all promises and dreams is a new beginning.

The revelation part:

I read the Fourth Dimension from Dr Cho, where he talked about receiving assurances from God for your dream.

And the second click happened.

Back in 2010, I wrote to forget; I wrote about anything. From spiritual stories to erotic and everything in between. It was my saving grace during a difficult time. It blinded me from reality. But it also blinded me to many truths. At the times the lies became bigger, and my sins had a field day.

Since 2019, my writing has changed. My fears and anger do not surface within the pages nor my desires or longings of things not meant. It is more focused now.

My dream is to be a New York best-selling author, to own a book and coffee shop and create a safe environment for all creative beings not only writers. (The reason for the name change.)

To get back to Dr Cho's book and to cut an exceptionally long story short, he said to keep on dreaming and talking about it. For others, it might seem foolish or a pipe dream. Sometimes I feel neglected and even looked over, but He encouraged me to keep on dreaming and planning until God gives me the promise, the red seal, so to speak. God will approve or object, but my work is to continue with it until...

When you step away from a long-time marriage, your world tilts dramatically. In this time, God will allow you to make decisions and even allow you to make mistakes while He keeps you safe... Looking back I can point you to all the times He provided and protected me from myself and others that meant me harm I am still in awe about it.

The best part of this long tale is that when God gives you a new page, he means it. But he also wants to see how serious you are. By giving you a clean slate, He gives you a second chance. We all begin anew at some stage of our lives. All you have to do is keep on dreaming and doing until God gives you the red seal, the assurance.

That dream will propel you forward. It will help you grow and it will help you find your feet again. Just hang in. God is in control.

If you are unsure or off balance because of life's knocking around, push through. Get the dream on paper. See it. Live it until God comes and put a stamp of approval on it. If not, then it still will not be wasted time. Because you have learned new skills. Who knows where it will lead?

Trust God when he says he has given you a new page.