Seven Characteristics of a Fully-Functioning Person

Written by Kain Ramsay

One of my biggest influences in the realm of personal development has been the work of Carl Rogers, the pioneer of person-centred counselling and author of 'On Becoming a Person'. I first came across his work while studying entry-level psychology and explored it further as I trained in counselling over a decade ago.

The greatest thing about Rogers' methodology for me is his humanity and compassion. He is extremely considerate of our individuality, emphasizes potential rather than pathology, and allows a lot of space in his theories and frameworks for people to be themselves and live the concepts in accordance with who they are.

One of these frameworks, and the one I'd like to discuss in this article, is the seven characteristics of a fully-functioning person, which he discusses in his excellent book On Becoming a Person. These qualities aren't something we reach at; instead, they're a continual process we strive for (Rogers refers to this as "the good life).

As you'll see, these qualities are more philosophical in nature than practical life advice, and many of them are interconnected. They're all about optimising our human potential and offering a beneficial summary of things to be aware of as we reflect on our daily lives.

Here are the Seven Characteristics of a Fully-Functioning Person;

# 1. Growing Openness to Experience

Having a growing openness to experience is about learning to accept the circumstances of life as they are, without needing them to be something different. It's also about stepping away from defensiveness. In this light, Defensiveness might be characterized as: "self-defense in the form of righteous indignation or innocent victimhood to avoid a perceived assault."

When we feel under emotional assault or criticism, defensiveness is generally synonymous with redirecting the blame away from ourselves and onto someone else. We are more receptive to what is unfolding before us as it occurs since we are less prone to react in an unconscious, knee-jerk manner.

# 2. Living Life Existentially

We tend to interpret our experiences through the prism of what we already believe about ourselves and the world, usually in a way that confirms these beliefs. However, when we embrace Rogers's "increasingly existential lifestyle," we reverse this process, allowing our personality and self-concept to develop based on what we are experiencing (rather than the other way around).

So, what does this imply in practice? Let's assume a person praises us for a job well done. If we apply our current belief system (which holds that we're not very good at what we're doing), we might dismiss their statement as them "just being polite" or even respond with, "Oh, it was nothing...," thus rejecting the compliment. However, if we allow our experience to shape our self-esteem, we may accept this compliment for what it is. Just a compliment.

This, too, demands us to cultivate mindfulness and live each moment completely. What I enjoy about this quality is that it includes a little mystery. Who knows what's possible if we let ourselves be open to our present-moment experience?

# 3. Increased trust in the Self

Self-confidence, in a nutshell. This is about believing in our judgment and ability to act appropriately in any situation. It's all about developing our sense of ethics and personal moral compass (rather than simply following the beliefs of others around us). This then leads us into...

# 4. Freedom of Choice

When we trust our internal procedure and external actions, we gain more freedom of choice. We are conscious of the distinction between “have to” and “choose to,” and because we understand that we have the power to respond in any scenario, we accept responsibility for our choices and conduct.

Granted, we live in a world where many people do self-centred, greedy, vindictive and highly destructive things, and while we have no freedom to choose what happens to us, we 100% have the freedom to choose how we respond in each situation that we face.

It's true that in some contexts, "control" has a negative connotation, but it is also true to say we have complete agency over all of our decisions and actions, allowing us to be who we are and act in accordance with our values and sense of right and wrong. Which then leads us to...

# 5. Raw Creativity

With the confidence to be ourselves and the self-trust that comes with it, we are able to be more inventive. As Rogers points out, without feeling compelled to conform to norms and values that are in conflict with our own, we may be even more creative when it comes to adjusting to our circumstances. Some people go on to found multinational corporations, socially innovative enterprises, and world-changing products or services during this stage of human development.

# 6. Consistency and Constructiveness

This idea appeals to me because it addresses the relationship between our inner and external selves. Rogers describes this as being open to all of our requirements while also maintaining a balance between them. According to Rogers, when individuals develop a congruent view of themselves (one in which their self-worth, self-image, and ideal self are similar rather than distinct), even aggressive needs are answered by inherent goodness within the individual.

# 7. A Purpose Oriented Life

The “fully-functioning” individual, according to Rogers, feels pleasure and pain, love and heartbreak, anxiety and bravery more intensely, and does not need more of or less of these experiences. The purpose-oriented individual is open to experiencing everything that life has to offer - including both good and bad.

Human beings cannot choose to be ignorant of specific events: when we numb so-called unpleasant emotions, we also numb everything. Receiving the entire spectrum of human existence - the good, the unbearable, and the heartbreaking - means opening ourselves up to a full, rich and purpose-oriented life.

And living life this way isn’t easy. As Rogers writes in On Becoming a Person:

“This process of the good life is not for the faint-hearted. It involves stretching, growing and embracing more and more of one’s potentialities. It involves the courage to be. It means immersing oneself fully into the stream of life.”

So to summarise, is it possible for you to become a fully functioning person?

Yes, of course, it is. But to achieve this, you must become willing to let go of any expectations you have regarding how your life should go. Lose your opinions, disregard your biases, your fears, insecurities, and embrace the opportunity you have to step apart from the norms that the majority of people live their lives by.

PRINCIPLES INTO PRACTICE QUESTIONS:

1. What are your initial thoughts about these characteristics?

2. In what ways are you unwilling to accept certain experiences?

3. In what ways can you become more fully functioning today?

Empowering women in August

 

 

Scripture: Proverbs 31: 10

An excellent woman [one who is spiritual, capable, intelligent, and virtuous], who is he who can find her? Her value is more precious than jewels and her worth is far above rubies or pearls. (Amp)

Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. (KJV)

A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. (MSG)

A wife of noble character who can find her? She is worth far more than rubies. (NIV)

Wie sal 'n deugsame vrou vind? want haar waarde is ver bo korale. (AFR53)

A woman of noble character is a woman who follows the biblical principles of Proverbs 31:10-31 we heard this morning. She is virtuous, capable, trustworthy, hardworking, generous, wise, and God-fearing. She is also more precious than rubies/ diamonds. 

Today, these qualities are hard to find among women, but when you find one, you must cling to that person. Why? So that her character can rub off on you and you can become like her, a woman of noble standing.

On Saturday, I took part in the perseverance walk at the SAP, CPF event for women. We walked around the rugby field a few times (4). During this walk, I noticed one small yellow flower still blooming. I cannot say how many feet trampled over her. But here was this little flower, so minute in the larger scope of the field, still blooming her heart out.

At that moment, I recognized her strength and tenacity. She was not willing to bow her head amid adversaries. She held her head high, and she bloomed. She fulfilled her purpose.

Do you know what is your purpose?

Do you have goals that would bring you closer to your purpose?

Now, you will tell me, you don’t know my story Lynelle, and you are right, I don’t. But I know my story. I know about desperation and poverty; I understand about lack, and the depression and fear that follow it. I can write books about the unfairness dealt to me, bitter stories of discouragement and disillusionment, but I choose not to focus on that. I choose to bloom where I am planted.

One lesson I have learned during my life walk is this: No One Will Believe In You If You Don’t Believe In Yourself. If you do not make a conscious decision to lift your head and bloom where you are planted, no one will reach out or help you.  

Ruth, the woman from the Bible, was a noble woman. A Proverbs 31 woman. A woman I can relate to. She chose to follow Naomi. This led her to the fields of Boas and today her name is still mentioned hundreds of years after her death. Why? Because she made an intentional decision to stick with one woman.

How can you do this? Living with Intent Journal is created to help you to formulate your plans and stick with them. Use the journal like a tool.

Right at the beginning of the journal, it begins with Self-Love. If you cannot love yourself, no one else will. 

      Ø Don't Compare Yourself to Others.

Ø  Grow Your Positive Vibe.

Ø  Do An Activity You Love at least once a month.

Ø  Find A Place That Makes You Happy.

Ø  Clean Your Room and Environment.

Ø  Don't Forget to Take Time to Relax.

Ø  Eat healthily and exercise. Your future self will thank you one day.

Ø  Enjoy the little things.

Ø  Keep your chin up, shoulders straight and let your smile speak for you.

Ø  Get into the Word of God, study it and find your North. You cannot find it without God.

Remember: Diamonds are born under immense pressure. A noble woman is not born like one. She is planted, pressed, sometimes forgotten, but when she immersed from the ground and cleaned, she shines.

But it all starts with one decision. A decision only you can make.

If you need guidance, support, or an ear, reach out to a life coach or counsellor near you. It is your choice; I cannot force you. But if you don’t, you will still be here next year, in the same position.

I was where you are right now, eleven years ago. I understand the difficulties and the problems. I understand the fears and worries. I know what it is to feel alone, desperate, without hope. It is only when I reached out that I could find the way forward. For each of us, it is different, but when you make an intentional decision, you can encourage others.

Position yourself, get a Naomi in your life. Follow and learn. Nobility is a seed that needs water. Water gives life. Once you water that seed, it will grow and you will become like that little flower that blooms where she is planted. 

Contact me at lynelleclark@gmail.com if you want to connect or in need of a life coach. 

Living with Intent Journal for Women.

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Whether you are just starting out in life or have seen the bad/good, this journal will help you keep track of your thoughts and goals. 

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Living with Intent Journal Presentation by Lynelle Clark

Repost: Be true to yourself

Repost:

The last couple of months were the most exciting but also hurtful time I had in a very long time. Although silent in the sense that I wrote nothing, my life had undergone twists and turns; each opportunity a learning curve where I discovered so much of myself as a person.

Walking this path alone, I realized my vulnerability and how people could use me, sometimes even with my permission. For a long time I lived in a very safe cocoon allowing others to think for me but since I made the bold step to stand on my own, taking responsibility for myself, I realized that my understanding of life was very much shaped by my circumstances, and the people or culture I lived in. In short, I wasn’t street smart, and I had to learn how to fit in or be devoured.

Because of the safe haven, I perceived people in black and white with little or no grace towards them. Now those unyielding glasses had been removed and my awareness of life became more colourful; making room not only for my own mistakes but for those for those I’ve met. Life isn’t rigid or set in stone but a kaleidoscope of laughter and passion, where I discover new opportunities at every corner—venturing out in the unknown to find incredible prospects and beautiful things along the way. I’m amazed at my boldness walking into places I would not have dreamed to do previously and in the process made friends: my pioneer spirit reveling in the new person emerging from the cocoon.

In my vulnerability, I learned to trust my gut; I made mistakes when I disobeyed that little voice, who diligently watch over me. While doing this, I learned to have fun laughing more than I did in a long time. I learned that it’s okay to mess up—no longer do I chastise myself in doing so—and ate some humble pie, but it taught me valuable skills that served me in my daily life and work environment. I work with people every day and I experience the good, the bad and the ugly all in one week. As human beings, we have different perceptions, but when finely tuned in—making the effort—the ugly turns out beautiful, the bad good and the good sometimes bad. Life is a fine balance between them all.

My love life has its own challenges. When two people meet, two worlds have to come together effortlessly (in my mind). To adjust myself and find meaning and what I really want from life, incorporating another human being into it without forgetting who I am, is a mission. For now, being part of someone’s life has taken a back seat.

In a second chance relationship, more work goes into it but it took a broken relationship to grasp the full extend of it. When we met, I thought this is it, the man I will spend my old age with and I prepared myself to fit in his life but after a while I realized it would take time, effort and if both parties doesn’t work at it every attempt would be fruitless. When it ended, it left me purposeless and empty and I knew I would obliterate myself. I feel the emptiness settling in me, wondering if I would ever allow myself to love again. Although saddened, I realize I need this time to get to terms with it all and discover my purpose.

I never appreciated my passionate side, hiding it from everyone including myself, but on this new journey I got to discern the intensity which I feel with and know not everyone would appreciate it. Although I embrace my passionate side, it makes me vulnerable to life and relationships. Creating its own challenges. I’ve learned more about myself letting go of old or even wrong thought patterns, finding the balance and adapt in a way so that I won’t get lost again.

Another learning curve.

With all this said, I simply want to leave you with the thought: Don’t be afraid to live, to dream, to love and yes, even to make mistakes.

To be true to ourselves takes determination and courage and sometimes you would be lonely. Not sure about the choices or even the next step, but looking at the bigger picture, we learn to know our own strengths by discovering a world that would accept us for who we are.

But mostly to accept ourselves.

Be true to you. 

Dream until God gives you the assurance.

A revived post from 2020. 

I am not a person who always says what's on my mind and seldom what's on my heart, but I am prompted to do so today. A revelation that lifted my spirit.

Maybe someone needs to hear it as well.

I start to write in 2010.

I wrote to block out my reality.

I wrote to block out the empty cupboards, the demanding phone calls of creditors. Writing kept me from looking out the window to see the tall grass that could not be cut. My eyes swimming in tears as my children left their safe place because we could not provide in their needs anymore. I felt like a failure, worthless and purposeless.

I wrote to block out all the anger and pain, the rejection we have experienced from church, the lack of support from anyone we thought were our friends at that time. Standing alone in a very harsh world, without support, it is a harsh place to be.

I wrote of lost dreams and empty promises all in fiction form. Because in fiction I can write a happy ending. Though my world had nothing to offer me.

I wrote 22 books during that time. Only five books were published so far. Many of my books started off differently from its conception. But as I grew, the stories grew, changed, and developed where they are now: published and read.

At that stage, there was still a ‘we’ in the equation. After 2014, ‘we’ became I...one. though I took the step to walk away, I was off balance with no understanding or idea of how to move forward. I had no form of financial support, had no income and no earthly possessions.

Then I began to dream. It was a slow process of trusting myself first, then others.

(This was a long process and one I will not talk about now. I want to get to the revelation part.)

At the end of 2019, I was invited to attend an Eksderde camp where Marié Bosman (van den Berg) spoke directly into my life. Infused by God's knowledge, she said, "God has given you a blank page."

At the time, it elevated me, but I didn't understand. I ran with it like a thirsty beggar but still felt unworthy, not sure where I fit in. I was still off-balance, unsure and desperate. And very much in lack.

Was God's promises of yesteryear still effective? Did my current dreams coincide with God's plan for me? How did it all fit? Were some questions I faced.

Then I met Joe van den Berg, and he said, "Your past is the past, you have a new slate. The words you received, the promises you received, they are over. It is time for new ones."

It was like a click within.

It is a clean slate. From this moment forward, all promises and dreams is a new beginning.

The revelation part:

I read the Fourth Dimension from Dr Cho, where he talked about receiving assurances from God for your dream.

And the second click happened.

Back in 2010, I wrote to forget; I wrote about anything. From spiritual stories to erotic and everything in between. It was my saving grace during a difficult time. It blinded me from reality. But it also blinded me to many truths. At the times the lies became bigger, and my sins had a field day.

Since 2019, my writing has changed. My fears and anger do not surface within the pages nor my desires or longings of things not meant. It is more focused now.

My dream is to be a New York best-selling author, to own a book and coffee shop and create a safe environment for all creative beings not only writers. (The reason for the name change.)

To get back to Dr Cho's book and to cut an exceptionally long story short, he said to keep on dreaming and talking about it. For others, it might seem foolish or a pipe dream. Sometimes I feel neglected and even looked over, but He encouraged me to keep on dreaming and planning until God gives me the promise, the red seal, so to speak. God will approve or object, but my work is to continue with it until...

When you step away from a long-time marriage, your world tilts dramatically. In this time, God will allow you to make decisions and even allow you to make mistakes while He keeps you safe... Looking back I can point you to all the times He provided and protected me from myself and others that meant me harm I am still in awe about it.

The best part of this long tale is that when God gives you a new page, he means it. But he also wants to see how serious you are. By giving you a clean slate, He gives you a second chance. We all begin anew at some stage of our lives. All you have to do is keep on dreaming and doing until God gives you the red seal, the assurance.

That dream will propel you forward. It will help you grow and it will help you find your feet again. Just hang in. God is in control.

If you are unsure or off balance because of life's knocking around, push through. Get the dream on paper. See it. Live it until God comes and put a stamp of approval on it. If not, then it still will not be wasted time. Because you have learned new skills. Who knows where it will lead?

Trust God when he says he has given you a new page.

 

Hoekom sing 'n ketel?

Vanoggend vroeg sit ek water op die gasstoof vir die gebruiklike koffie. Die huis is stil, geen stemme of radio wat die stilte versteur nie. Selfs die besige Prince George Rylaan is rustig. Ek vul die katte se bakke met kos en gaan sit op die stoel naaste aan die ketel.

Saggies begin ek te bid. Sommer net een van daardie stil gebede van lof en absolute danbaarheid toe ek die ketel opmerk. Ek bedoel werklik luister na die ketel. Die vlam al dansend in die ligte bries wat deur die huis waai.

En die volgende vraag val in my gees.

Hoekom sing 'n ketel?

Dit is eintlik dom as 'n mens daaraan dink. Hitte brand. Konstante hitte wat aanhoudend brand kan pynighend wees maar hier staan die ketel en sing. 'n Defnitiewe suising wat nie praat van seer nie maar opgewondenheid.

En die vraag kom weer op: hoekom sing 'n ketel?

Die antwoord het my sommer van die stoel af gelig.

Hy sing want hy vervul sy doel.

Wanneer laas was ons werklik gelukkig in wat God besig is om te doen in ons lewe? Al brand dit en is dit seer. Al is dinge onverstaanbaar en werk dit nie uit soos dit moet nie. Kan ons werklik sing soos die ketel binne ons omstandighede?

Ek vertrou dat ons ook ons liedjie sal laat hoor. Tenspyte van die hitte van die vlam is en bly Vader goed.

Mooi dag vir elkeen.

Lynelle